Letting Go of Right & Wrong and Following Desire
Updated: Jun 26, 2019
When I was pretty young-maybe 21 or 22- my uncle (who was a father figure to me) taught me one of the most important lessons I've come across in my quick time on earth-which is, that in the scheme of the universe, there is no “right” or “wrong” but only consequences. And so in choosing one’s actions, its more useful to consider the consequences that may come your way rather than the ambiguous idea of right and wrong. Ironically, I often forget this one, but it nonetheless holds the wisdom of our heart and soul that I think we so often miss when we get wrapped up in figuring out how to do life (or health, eating, confidence) “right”.
There are things we can all agree go against the human code- molesting children, killing for sport, rape- but then again- none of these issues have proven to really stand up with clear lines of “oh yes, this is definitely wrong in all definitions” (which believe me, I wish we could draw that clear line).
This article isn’t about morality or the ways we dis-respect one another’s humanity.
What I am offering is that in your own life, with your own choices and lived experience- you can take the perspective to choose based on the consequences you want to engage with, rather than an idea of right and wrong, that likely, you inherited or absorbed from some source outside of you.
We are, understandably, attached to the idea of right and wrong. Obviously, most of us want to fall on the side of right (which differs depending on what you think right really is) and in thinking this way, it gives us a false sense of safety. But playing the right and wrong game always robs us of the verve and spark that our life really wants to express. Trying to be right suffocates us when we find ourselves faced with a desire that this arbitrary right/wrong code would deem as wrong or bad. And so, we have to violate this code OR keep our death grip on trying to be right and good and thus deny this organic desire that has bubbled up inside. The “should” of how we believe we should act wins and over time, we find ourselves irritable, resentful or just plain listless because we’ve yet again denied the voice of our heart and soul for following some pre-scripted idea of right and wrong.
Which is why re-orienting yourself through the lens of consequences can be so freeing.
This is fundamentally how I live my life-although I still struggle with trying to be the good girl so that I can win favor and feel liked, rather than honor the voice of my desire. As with everything, its a journey, not a destination.
Not surprisingly, this is also the vantage point from which I work with women around food and body. I actually am not attached to clients changing their food habits or eating a pre-scripted, prescribed kind of way that is good or bad.
What I AM interested in is helping women grow their skills and habits in such a way that supports the desires and goals they have for themselves, their health & their body. I want women to live the life they want to live, to eat in a way that works for them, and to feel ease and confidence in their skin in a way that lights them up.
My work is about increasing conscious awareness of the choices women have been making and why. Because much like the rest of our life, we have some deeply ingrained ideas of what is good and bad when it comes to food and health- largely someone else’s ideas of what is good and bad- and then we try to fit ourselves into an ill fitting costume and believe there is something wrong with us that the costume someone else created around food and health doesn’t quite fit us properly.
Keeping our vision on the consequence or end goal that we desire for ourselves is a not an easy pose to hold. As Tony Robbins says, most of us will give up long term goals to fill short term needs. This isn't something to feel bad about, I think this to be human nature. It takes a lot of discipline and a fire inside to stay on track with one’s long term goals. And it can be done, no doubt. The question that always restores power in those moments between short term needs and long term goals is “what is the consequence of this choice?”
So if you’re clear that you want to eat the donuts your co-worker brought in and you are a-okay with the consequences of the sugar rush or the effect that gluten might have on your system, get down with yourself and enjoy it to the fullest. No shame in this game, mama. You gotta choose your choice fully and revel in the choosing, anything less keeps us on the right and wrong myopic way of thinking.
The goal here is letting the voice of your body and soul shine through in the way it was built to- which will not be attained through following an arbitrary system of good and bad but rather in tuning in to what it is that will have you feel most aligned with yourself and the consequences of your life choices.