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On Food:: It’s Not About the Food, It’s About YOU

Updated: Jun 26, 2019

This post was originally published in The Huffington Post, which you can find here.

There's a reason that the majority of diets fail: They focus on the wrong thing. If you struggle with food, focusing more on the food isn't the solution. You can't focus on the problem to change it. You have to look deeper, to the motivation for turning to food; and then from that place, create something new. I know what you're thinking. Most women today just want to deal with this pesky food & eating problem so they can achieve the thing we've all been told makes us worthwhile, attractive and ideal as women: a better, hotter, fitter, sexier body.

Even if you don't diet, we all live in a diet culture. We are trained to keep certain parts of ourselves neatly tucked away, to deprive or skimp on pleasure, desire and self care. Or, to seek the ideal body type as assigned to us by media and fashion, to make sure we are exercising, staying "healthy" and not moving too far outside the status quo of pleasure, appetite, desire or expression. There is an ideal range of how big your pleasure, appetite, desire and expression should be and if you're struggling with food and body, then I can guarantee, your relationship to any one of those four things is distorted.

When I work with clients, the last thing we work on is their eating habits. This is slightly annoying to most who are sure their problem is just that they are eating the wrong things, or don't know what to eat, or are so tightly controlling their food they can barely breathe under the dictator-esque hold they have on their eating. But very quickly, they get it. I don't start with food because what I know for sure is that when you embody and re-create your relationship to self-expression, pleasure, desire and a sexy, sensual life, your relationship to food begins to naturally and effortlessly self correct. The thing you thought was the problem suddenly just isn't. It just isn't.

Sure, we talk about food. Because let's be honest, the diet industry has confused us so much about what is truly nourishing that many women are genuinely confused about what would serve as pleasurable, quality fuel for their body. But as we work together, clients begin to see that they no longer crave foods that numb them out, or are full of things that really aren't ideal or that simply doesn't feel or taste good to them anymore.

When we take the lid off the fullness of our appetite, our self-expression and our pleasure, things radically begin to re-arrange themselves. Women come to life in a whole new way. They begin to hear the subtle, electric pulse of their body and choose foods that keep it happy, feeling good and have them feel sexy, confident and free from the craziness of food and body obsession.

We've all had plenty of experience counting calories, doing the next hottest workout, buying into the new fad diet and yet, we still find ourselves dis-satisfied, disliking our thighs and wishing the number on the scale was lower than it is or in constant monitoring mode when really, our relationship to food should be nourishing and satisfying.

As we shift our focus from being obsessed with food to feeling good, following desire, being embodied and doing pleasurable things, following desire or letting ourself say, act or do things we think we dare shouldn't do, something fundamental starts to change with food. But you can't do it just to change things with food, you have to truly be willing to put your focus on the solution of being fully expressed, embodied and connected to your sexiest, fullest version of yourself.

This is scary to a lot of my clients at first, and rightfully so. We have an idea that only certain bodies are allowed to do things like wear short sexy dresses, or dance a certain way, have a wildly successful career, a good time at the beach, or command attention in public. And yet, the women I work with have a deep knowing and intuition that the work I'm doing with them contains the nutrients they've been craving and trying to fill through their contorted relationship with food.

It's not about the food. It's about you. Your pleasure, your expression and your willingness to step into the women you've been waiting to be (you know, that dream you have for yourself and who you want to be when you finally get it right with food). Start being that woman now, and the rightness with food magically happens.

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