At a most fundamental level, what we all crave as humans is connection. As woman, I believe it is hard wired into us to desire community, communion with others and a way of life that has love and depth flowing from every part.
We want a special kind of intimacy and depth, to really be known and see in the rawest of ways, and we have come to believe that can only happen in the confines of a relationship, with, ideally, “the ONE.”
We search. And search. And search. We join online dating sites, we do speed dating, we push and push and push to find someone we really “click” with, that feeling of having our souls really known by another.
And yet, while we are all searching, we miss the forest for the trees. As Hafiz wrote thousands of years ago,
“Admit something: Everyone you see, you say to them, “Love me.” Of course you do not do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops. Still though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect. Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye that is always saying, with that sweet moon language, What every other eye in this world is dying to hear?”
— -Hafiz
As I have come to learn, intimacy, depth and true to the core rawness can be cultivated with anyone you let truly see you. There is an entire world of people out there aching to feel connected, loved, seen. And yet, we all walk around with this same desire but unwilling to give that which we all seek, unless it seems to match up with the preferences and expectations we have of that someone special.
I am not suggesting that finding a partner, someone to share in peaks and valleys and all the plateaus in between is a rare and truly special experience. It is. But as we put so much time into this pursuit, we are missing all the rich opportunity that already exists around us. With out sights set on it looking just one way, we miss how many other possible options we could create to find that connection that would quench our soul.
Believe me when I say, it doesn’t have to just come from Mr. Right.
A rare and ferocious witch taught me a lesson on connection many years ago. She wanted me to move into this crazy little experiment of an intentional community that she was in charge of, and I was the quintessential fence sitter. Excuse after excuse, her tenacity finally won out, her certainty trumped my vacillation. I gave her a mere $10 and the agreement I would move in just 30 days later.
And move in I did. For 4 years. It became the peak experience of my life up to this point and oh the stories I could tell. But I tell you all this because what I really want you to know is that through this wild journey I came to find something I didn’t really know was possible.
You see, my witchy friend had told me, as I protested that having so many people around would be more than I could, that in fact having all those people around was the best part of it all. “Now I have all these people in my heart and I never want them to leave”, she said. Say what? I didn’t really get it; and yet I did. My soul knew what she was talking about.
And what I hadn’t expected became reality. I became so undeniably connected and close to the people I lived with, I cared for them, fought with them, rejoiced with them and came to know them as intimately as I have ever known anyone. Secrets revealed, fears shared, desires and plans and dreams reveled in, as the shared joy from a friend creates all the more power and
The possibilities for that kind of lived experience are around us all the time, if we are willing to drop our guard, be a little courageous and start sharing the parts of ourselves that we keep tucked away for no one to see. We all much more in common than we let on, through our masks and uniforms of appropriate patterned behavior. If you let that sweet moon language move you, you’ll be surprised to find out much love and connection rise up to meet you.
We have, as a culture, relegated intimacy, depth, being seen and really “gotten” to an experience that can only be had with a romantic partner. And as such, our other relationships and sense of community has collectively declined. We are living isolated, somewhat empty lives where the rich saturation that can come when surrounded by love, truth and connection escapes most of us as we continue to turn over rock after rock looking for the “one” that we can finally be real, unveiled and truly intimate with.