Several weeks ago, a woman came to an event I was holding on sexuality, desire and communication. On the surface, it appeared she mistakenly stumbled into our event. She was looking for an event that was happing on another night that week. However, just a few questions in and it was clear that what we were doing was something that resonated for her. She couldn’t stop asking questions.
Her question to me was a common one "but why do I need that?" She went on to describe how much pain and suffering she had dealt with on behalf of her body, how she'd so all the more quickly just forget her body and transcend.
I knew this tune all too well.
Living in an embodied way isn’t an easy one in a culture that values intelligence and thinking and logic, reasonable living above all else. We have learned to turn down the wisdom of our bodies and soul and turn up the volumeon that which has us be successful or looking good by worldly standards.
Except, many of us are waking up to the subtle whisper that more is possible.
We as women try to control our bodies through diet, exercise and restriction OR we ignore them and neglect them, doing whatever we can to not have to confront the power and wisdom that sits, silently brewing and waiting for our attention. Whatever extreme we lean toward, we are not listening fully to the flow and electricity that our bodies hold. When we are centered fully in embodying who we are, the expression of our sex is the first thing to go.
In reality, full embodiment holds the key to all the things we are seeking. In the case of my friend who had dealt with immeasurable pain in her body, I gently reminded her that the way to not have pain was to fully listen to her body and what it was asking for, not to attempt to transcend and ignore the body. If you see the body as sending messages to us through the feelings we have, through our physical sensations, then you know that there is a whole world of communication happening that we very often ignore.
It is our sexuality that holds the key to both our light and our dark, our creativity, the store house of feeling, sensation, ecstasy and bliss live in the body. And yet, we have so many cultural, familial and religious messages that have tarnished the rightful place our sexuality should have in our lives. The negative messages we've received exist in equal proportion to just how meaningful and powerful our sexuality is. It is because our sexuality, expression and power are so potent that it has been so defiled, degraded and shunned. And yet, as Reggie Ray, a brilliant Buddhist scholar writes, "Underneath it all, we are wild and we know it."
If you don't know women who live this, you've probably seen them from afar:: women who are indelibly sensual, effortlessly graceful, at ease and at home in the rightful place that is their sex and beauty and power. They light up a room, they have boundless energy and joy that radiates from them. We all secretly want that.
Our souls are calling to be expressed.
Our bodies aching, sometimes in pain, as in the case of my friend, to feel good, to experience pleasure, to express a dynamic range of feeling. To be supple and soft full of the bliss and ecstasy a fully expressed, sensual and generous life exudes.
How do we start? If you are a woman who hears this whisper in her soul, who knows there is more but isn’t sure where to look, I know the territory you will traverse in getting to the place you seek.
Start by asking some simple questions:
-What am I denying myself that serves my soul, my body and my full expression?
-What am I forcing myself to do that does not serve my soul my pleasure or my embodiment?
-What desires do I have that I always say no to? How can I begin, not matter how small, to begin saying yes?
Listen to the answers. And begin, maybe just one step a day, to move toward the answers that would light your soul up and illuminate you from the inside out. Give expression to the voice inside of you.
Embodiment of your sexuality, your power, your essence, your body and soul:: this is what you are meant for. It is a glorious experience to be in the body of a woman in this life.