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On Sex: What’s SEX have to do with it?

Updated: Jun 26, 2019

There are hundreds, if not thousands of ways to improve your life, gain confidence and be a more enlightened, better person in the world.

I know, because I tried many of them.  The books, the seminars, affirmations and mantras.  I did it all.  I balanced my energy, healed past life trauma, forgave and forgave and forgave until I was a pure vessel of light and love and compassion.   And still, something in me felt incomplete. I was still struggling with food.   Gripped with uncertainty.  Binging, restricting, hating exercise or forcing myself to do it.  Plotting and planning my next diet.     I lacked the ability to move with the desires and passion I felt inside.  To let the truest expression of me out, unabashedly.   None of it felt possible, because I was so stuck in my head thinking, planning and trying to be anything other than what I was.  If I just change this, morphed that, THEN I would be the woman I really wanted to be.

To let my authentic voice really shine.   What would people think?  I would be too loud in the world.  Too much.  An “inappropriate” woman.    I was trying so hard to fit into the prescribed box of what a successful, hot and lovable woman looked like, physically and metaphorically.  And I was tired of it, confused and exhausted.  And honestly, bored.  But I kept trying because that’s what everyone was doing, right?

And yet….a voice inside kept whispering that there was something else possible.

I found that something else in my sexuality.  Let me be clear:  I am not talking about the act of sex, or intercourse, itself.  Although that has changed for me drastically as well, the thing I am pointing to is embodiment.  The embodiment of all of me; the wild side, the playful side, the uncertain side, the childlike side, the angry side, the bitch, the saint and at the core, the undeniable power and strength of being feminine.  Of being a woman.

How is all of THAT related to sexuality, you ask?   Good question.  I certainly didn’t expect all of that when I stumbled upon it either.   I just wanted to feel a bit more comfortable with my body, to not be obsessed and scared of food or the number on the scale.  To feel at ease with men. But much to my surprise, all these things that haunted me in my life, were remedied when I fully stepped into being embodied.  Confidence, certainty, ease with food, hot flirtations with men, amazing relationships and deep soul satisfaction exuberance  were all possible at the flip of a switch when I am plugged into my sexuality.

The truth is, as human beings, our sexuality is the very ESSENCE of who we are.  It is after all, where life begins.  Can’t get more essential than that, right?

It is where our babies come from, where our most basic connection to nature begins.  Your sexuality is the most authentic expression of all you are as a woman.

Women have a power in their sexuality that our culture has taught us to shut down, has scared us with through calling us names and has shut us up by causing violence around our sexuality.   And it has worked to disconnect us all from this most potent, raw and poweful expression of who we are.

I know what you’re thinking.  “So I have to walk around being sexual all the time?"  For most women they ask, "what does that even mean? Quickly followed by "no way that is safe or smart for me to do."

Just like food fuels you when you eat it, so can your sexuality.  By giving it attention, approving of it and embodying it, you carry it with you, just as you do the fuel from your food.  It's something that you're always aware of as you move through your day.  You pay attention to your body.  To having your body feel good. To treating yourself well.    You make dear friends with your sexuality so that you are able to tap into whatever the fullest expression of yourself is in every moment.  Maybe it's anger, maybe it's joy, maybe its getting down to work or maybe its just simple and innocent.  Whatever it is, it is the most authentic expression of YOU, anchored in the deepest most powerful part of who you are.

And then, you may find yourself not turning to cupcakes when you really want sex or intimacy.  Not eating over your desire for sex, for telling the truth, for any number of the things we eat over because we don't know how to be embodied.

Our sexuality is the source of all appetite.  And when our appetite for one thing (sex, intimacy, expression, honesty) isn't in harmony, then our appetite for other things (like food) swing way out of balance.   We have been taught to ignore or control our appetite and its accompanying desires.  But this is the life force of feminine energy and when we ignore it, control it or don't treat it well, we lose touch to this really sweet, succulent and satisfying part of what it means to be a woman.

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